No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize