Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
