just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
