I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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