Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
