So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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