I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
