Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
