I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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