I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize