I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize