Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
