We need to rekindle our bromance
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
