I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
