Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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