Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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