Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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