you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
