Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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