you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
