its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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