Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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