I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
