whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
