If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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