Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
