i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
