Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
