I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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