no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
