Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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