I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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