GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
