guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
