I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
