So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
