I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
