This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
