I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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