it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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