I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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