If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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