This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
