Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In America we eat man semen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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