you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
