Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
