she was so not down for the gang bang
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
