This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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