He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
