did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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