I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
