So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A+ Viking dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
