His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
