did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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