dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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