I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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